Wednesday, 29 December 2010


Two Legs has new camera for his birthday so there will be lots of new up to date pics of me.

There will also be lots of new up to date pics of Bumble, Scampi and Stealthy.....but

...more importantly...there will be lots of up to date pics of me. Maximus Spittimus. Emporer of all I survey and any bits that I may have missed through the necessity of sleeping and eating and washing.

I, MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS, wish all of MY CENTURIONS a HAPPY NEW YEAR  as you bask in MY Greatness.

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS and I has spokens.

Sunday, 19 December 2010

White Stuff Up My Nose!!!...I Is Maximus Trekimus

It has been snowings. I has been sniffings the snow.

I is stayings in by the warm fire.

I is Maximus Spittimus and I is sensibles!!!!

Happy Christmuss to ALL my valued Centurions!!!!!


A note from Four Dinners, Aide de Camp, Maximus Spittimus :

Maximus watched virtually the entire movie of Star Trek whatever it was....3?...4? - the one with the Whales.

He was fascinated by the Whale Song and sat on the arm of the sofa staring at the TV every time the Whale Song was played.

The Stealth Bomber wandered in and sat in the middle of the floor staring at the TV every time the Whale Song was played.

The Bumble appeared...then old Scampi

All four watched Captain Kirk and Mr Spock get it on with the Whales and responded with 'chirrups' every time the Whale Song was heard.

Watching this was quite extraordinary.

Then again....

Maximus Spittimus is quite extraordinary...he told me so.


A Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of the important life forms on our planet. Mainly cats of course but the rest of you are quite important too......


Monday, 13 December 2010


Now...let's be serious here. I IS THE ONE. I is Maximus Spittimus. The Emperor of everything.

This is not a matter for debate. This is the way it is - and you are forever grateful for The Emperor Maximus Spittimus endowing life, the universe and everything upon you.

The Bumbles is Bumble...aka The Bumbles...aka Bumbeliney...




I has allowedimuss Stealthy and Bumble to speakimuss on my blog but....BUT....BUT

Pleasimuss to not misunderstandimuss.


Your continued and quite sensible worship of myself is appreciated....imuss....

Wednesday, 8 December 2010



Let's get this straight.

I am Bumble.

I am Queen Bee around here.

This house, this universe, this world IS MINE....if I want it...I don't...I am merely ensuring the ONE who should have it gets it.

Maximus Spittimus will rule one day - it is clearly his destiny - but for now.....


Got it?

That is not to say that all of you who admire and rightly adore Maximus should suddenly admire Bumble more.

Maximus Spittimus IS THE EMPORER OF THE UNIVERSE........he just needs me to guide him a lot....

Well...alright...the lights are on and nobody is home but there you that so different to Obama or Cameron or Putin?......Of course it isn't!!!!

Maximus is young and inexperienced in the ways of the universe....I WILL PROTECT HIM AND TEACH HIM!!

Maximus Spittimus will reach his destiny and anyone who stands in the way of HIS destiny will deal with ME!

I am BUMBLE.....I am The Bumbles.....

I am the Protector and Defender of Maximus Spittimus.

The World will end or the World will accept Maximus Spittimus as it's saviour..... I supposed to say you dictated this Maximus?


That was a joke...

I is Junior Two Legs Bestist Baby and I is in charge until I decide Maximus is ready!!!

(I is in charge for a loooooong time).....;-)

I is BUMBLE and YOU don't mess with me....You really don't. is beautiful and gentle really....but I is female.....

Friday, 3 December 2010

The Maximus Spittimus, aka Wriggly Kitty's, Army

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS. I is Emperor and Lord of ALL I SURVEY - and any bits that I don't survey....just cause I am not surveying them doesn't mean they aren't MINE!

I has 'nickname' according to Two Legs. I is 'Wriggly Kitty'.

Wriggly Kitty????

What is Wriggly Kitty????

"We picks you up and you 'wriggles'" says Two Legs....True...I does....but...BUT!

I is Emperor Maximus Spittimus!!!! I can only be picked upimuss when I wants to be picked upimuss!!!

Wriggly Kitty?......Oh dearimuss.....Two Legs have no idea have they????

Two Legs ARE useful...they feed us and my bidding...and things...

Take Blackie for instance...He was Blackie and now he's Stealth Bomber...which is, I admit, far more appropriateimuss....

He doesn't answer to 'Blackie' anymore...he only answers to 'Stealthy' I supposeimuss his nickname is now his nameimuss.....

Bumble is always Bumble....sometimes she is 'The Bumbles'....either way she just IS.

We is BRIGHT EYES!!!! Bumble (The Bumbles) by my sideimuss and Stealth (Stealthy) Bomber formerly known as Blackie guarding the space that belongs to MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS!!!

The 'wise one' that is Scampi is Scampi - but Two Legs call him 'The Creaking Gate'....Scampi is not a gate!...creaking or otherwiseimuss!!!! Gates are not CATS!!! Two Legs are weird......

Scampi stays on the ground and does not climb anymore....he knows the ground is the sensible place to be...

It is so good that I is THE EMPEROR!!! If I wasn't in chargeimuss nobody would know who anybody elseimuss WAS!!!!!


Tuesday, 30 November 2010

I AM STEALTH BOMBER...Silent and so very very deadly...

I was a stray cat. I was unwanted and nobody loved me.

Now I am Stealth Bomber. I was I am STEALTH BOMBER.

I is like an exocet missile. I is silent and DEADLY - well I is if you are a mousey or a froggy or a birdy.

I is STEALTH BOMBER and I is guest posting on Maxinus Spittimus.

I loves my Lady Two Legs the best. She feeds me and hugs me and I is HOME.

I is STEALTH BOMBER and Maximus Spittimus has let me spokens.


well....not if you're mousey or froggy or birdie.

When I arrived I was unloved and unwanted...nobody cared about me. Now they do. Now I is STEALTH BOMBER.

I is a Maximus Spittimus Centurion and I will be number one ( The Bumbles obviously...)

Friday, 26 November 2010

The Centurion Army Growsimuss!!!

I, MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS, The Emporer of The Universe and any other bits that are found in the near future that are not considered bits of The Universe, along with any other bits that nobody wants which may, or may not be, bits of The Universe and not to mention places where no sane cat would ever go - China springs eternallymuss to mind - er...where was I?....oh yes....I, MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS, have been advised by my OFFICIAL ADVISOR, Harry Spotter, that I should thank you for joining my Centurion Army.

I does.
I does. is I doing Harry?

Oh yes!...I is thanking you for joining my Centurion Army!

I would be far more effusive but I is sleepings and, as your Emporer Maximus Spittimus I needs my sleepimuss as I have the whole weight of the worldimuss on my shoulders ensuring that you are all happy in my universe - as I know you are cause it is my universe and is the bestest universe everimuss!!!

I as been joined by Senior Centurion Charley, Centurion's Baxter, Pussimuss and Simba along with Centurionesses Elizabeth and Princess, not to mention Rabbit Centurionesses Rosie and Tulip...Rabbits???? Good griefimuss!!! I is even more magnificent than even I realised!!!!....and I have now been joined by Centurion 'Special Advisor' Harry Spotter....

The revolutionimuss is coming!!!!!

MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS WILL RULE THE UNIVERSE!!!!.....and why not? I will do a better jobimuss than the Two Legs...;-)

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS and I 'as spokens.......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Thursday, 25 November 2010

Centurions R U Update...

Please include a link to your blogimuss when you mail you Centurion pics to Maximus as he has graciously agreed to include a link on your pic.....providing the Two Legs - who is technologically inept can manage it.

Thank you.

Four Dinners
Aide de Camp
Maximus Spittimus

Wednesday, 24 November 2010

Maximus Spittmus Centurions R U

I is not looking down on my Centurions...honestimuss I isn't...I is just higher up than them!!!

I adore my Centurions and I rules them with lots of lovimuss!!!

The Bumbles is my Head Centurioness...She protects me and stays by my side and nobody....NOBODY...messes with The Bumbles...even me!!!

The Bumbles IS The Bumbles and she is my Greatest Centurioness everimuss

The Bumbles is. She just IS.

The Stealth Bomber just IS as well...He has decimated the wildlife population in the Two Legs garden....

Birds, Frogs, Mice, Rats....The Stealthymuss Bomber doesn't care!!! He brings them all home for The Two Legs.

He never kills them though. They is running and hopping about every morning and Man Two Legs returns them to the gardenimuss...until Stealth Bomber brings them back in again...;-)

Scampi is 20 years oldimuss....Scampi is my DJ now...I lost my DJ so Scampi teaches me...he is old and wise

Two Legs says he will not 'make next summer' but I knows Scampi.....He will always be here even when he isn't.

Scampi will never leave me. Not really. Like DJ he will live forever in the mind of Maximus Spittimus.

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS and I as spokens.


I wants more Centurions for my protection.

I does.

If you would like to join my Centurions and be a part of the life of the one and only Maximus Spittimus then e-mail your pics to and The Two Legs will post your pics and you will be a part of my Centurion Army for ever and ever and ever.

Then like me...Maximus will be immortalimuss!!!!

MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS has spokens...

ps....Old Kitty and Charlie are Senior Centurions already.... just so you knowimuss...

Tuesday, 23 November 2010

Maximus Cheekimuss

I as chubby cheeks says Two Legs.....I is cheekymuss and chubby cheekimuss say man Two Legs.
Man Two Legs says I has such chubby cheeks I looks like ginger Hamster!

Man Two Legs is so dumb!

I stick my tongueimuss outs at him from my blankimuss!

I is not Hamster! I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS and I as spokens!

Tuesday, 16 November 2010

Na-na-na-na-na-na-na...I wanna start a fight!

I sticks out my tongueimuss cause I is Maximus Spittimus and I is not afraidimuss of anyone or anythingimuss!

Na-na-na-na-na-na-na I wants to start a fight!!!!

I is Maximus Spittimus and I is not afraid of anythingimuss...I is Emporer Maximus Spittimus and I will call on my Centurions to beats you all upimuss!!! I won'ts.....I loves you really as you loves me.....


Wednesday, 10 November 2010

Maximus Rotundimuss

The good news :

Lady Two Legs gets up in the morning and feeds me and my gang.

Man Two Legs gets up when Lady Two Legs is in shower and feeds me again.

Lady and Man Two Legs go to work and Little Two Legs, home from Uni, gets up and feeds me.

None of them know they are not the only ones feeding me.

This is good. I likes my food.

The bad news :

The Two Legs have realised and I is only fed once in the morning now!!!


Man Two Legs say I is getting fatimuss!!! I is not fatimuss!!!! I is pleasantly rotundimuss!!!

I likes my food!

No fair!!!!

I is hungry MAXIMUS (Pleasantly Rotundimuss) SPITTIMUS and I has spokens.

Friday, 5 November 2010


There is loud bangs going on....are we at warimuss???

Two Legs say it is Bonfire Night so bangimuss is normal!!

Bangimuss is normal???...Two Legs are daftimuss!!!

Bangimuss is not normal...bangimuss is loudimus!!!

Stealthy and Scampi don't even notice...The Bumbles is outsideimuss IN THIS NOISIMUSS??? She is mad as a hatterimuss!!!

Two Legs say 'it is only Fireworks Maximus'...ONLY???? They is BANGIMUSS!!! and I no likeimuss!!!!

Bumbles is outside and doesn't care! Stealthy and Scampi are obliviousimuss???

I is frightenedimuss!!! LOUD BANGIMUSS...

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS and I is hiding under blankyimuss for the night!!!

Sunday, 24 October 2010

I, The One And Only Maximus Spittimus, Is One.

I is one.

I is the only one and I is one.

The Universe has officially existed for one year.

I hopes you is all suitably grateful.


Thursday, 21 October 2010

Before There Was Maximus

Before????? Before meimuss???? There was a before MEEEE?????

I am shockedimuss to the core of my whiskers. I am. I am.

DJ told me there was a before me time. I always believed DJ but thought he was jokimussing me!

Now I has seen proofimuss I is shockedimuss. I is also proudimuss that I can continue the line of great cats and say that they are greatimuss, but I is bestimuss.

Two Legs says he will scan piccies of older cats long gone for me to see. Some, he says are lost forever when his computer crashed and he hadn't put them on a disk...uh? What is he on about?

He says piccies Hissing Sid and Tiddler and Tara and Mouse.....Mouse??? There was a cat called Mouse???....are lost. He better not lose my pics. I is Maximus Spittimus and my pics are sacred!!!

This is 'Holly'. She was a Christmas kitten. She was rescued from kids kicking her around in the street and her brainimuss was damaged. Two Legs say she was always 6 months old in her head - the Vetimuss said so - but she was Man Two Legs baby and he snuggled her and she was a happy kitty. I wish I had met her...

This is L to R, Hissing Sid, Tiddler, my DJ and my Scampi. Hissing Sid and Tiddler went to Great Cat before I was here - I am still shockedimuss that there was a 'before I was here'. Hissing Sid 'hissed' at all Two Legs except man Two Legs - even Lady Two Legs and Little Two Legs was hissed at. I think I would have liked Hissing Sid. Tiddler was always wild DJ had told me. Nobody could touch her - except once when she was poorly and she sat on Lady Two Legs lap. Apart from that one time she would scratch and bite any Two Legs who tried to touch her - I missed so much fun before I was here!!!

My DJ is gone now but my Scampi is still here. He is 20 years old now. He will be as old as DJ was next year.

This is Princess Puffball. DJ said she was found wandering the streets and was blind and deaf. Two Legs found she could hear if the sound was high pitched enough. The Two Legs took her in and she spent many happy years walking into things and getting cuddledimuss.

I am shockedimuss that there was 'before me' but I likes the before me cats. They is coolimuss.

Now don't lose my picciemusses Two Legs!!!!!!

The Two Legs first ever cats 27 years ago....27???????....were Duke and Duchess. DJ was named after the first ever cat - Duke. Lady Two Legs called him that after a Two Legs called John Wayne, who she liked said DJ. The Duke was Boss Cat. I will be Boss Cat one day and think of Duke. I will always think of my DJ.

Goodnight DJ. You will be happy with Great Cat. I know this because.........

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS and I has spokens.

Monday, 18 October 2010

The Stealth Bomber

 Man Two Legs is not calling Blackie 'Blackie' anymore. He is calling him 'Stealth Bomber' - and Blackie is even answering when Man Two Legs says 'Here Stealthy'.

This is because Blac...I mean Stealthy keeps catching things more than any other cat has.

Mices and frogs and birds and more mices and more birds - not frogs now as it is too cold for any frogs to be out. Either that or he has catchimuused them all!!!

Last night the Lady Two Legs screamed when she moved our biscuit bowl. There was a little mousimuss hiding under it.

Mind you, she screamed louder when brought a frog onto the bed in the summer!!!

Man Two Legs has scattered DJ's ashes over the rockery where he used to sleeps in the sunshine.

I, MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS, thanks you for your nice purrs when DJ went.

I has spokens.

Friday, 8 October 2010


I as lost DJ.

He has gone to Great Cat and I is sadimuss.

He walked into the living room, gave a sigh and lay down.

Then he diedimuss. He went away.

The Two Legs say they is gladimuss that they didn't have to go to Vet.

DJ was so oldimuss. He was a FIGHTER. He lived to 21 cause he was a FIGHTER.

Two Legs says his heart just gave out.........

He didn't suffer you know. He just lay down and sighed and .........went.

DJ is with Great Cat.

I is sad but I is not sad cause DJ just 'went'.

I is missings him already.

Two Legs cried and then wrapped him in blanky - not MY blanky!!! - and now he goes to be made into ashes.

Goodnight DJ.

I loves you and will never forget you.


ps...I would have puts up pics but Blogger is a piece of shite and wouldn't lets me.

Hellooooo Blogger! You is a complete piece of shitimuss. So there.

My DJ has goneimuss and I can't post piccies of him cause Blogger is shiteimuss.

I will post piccies of DJ when Blogger is not shiteimuss.......perhaps in ten yearsimuss?

...what a pile of shitimuss Blogger is eh?

Tuesday, 14 September 2010

Me And My Gangimuss

The Bumble is sleepings on the micro wave. I hopes she doesn't sleeps in the micro wave. She be very hot Bumbles then!

The Blackie goes sleeps on my blanky! MY BLANKY!!!!!! Good jobs he is my friend or I hiss and spittimus!!

As my blankimuss is not available (Disgraceful behaviour!!!) I go sleeps on little Two Legs bedimuss. The Bumble joins me - obviously reading my minds about sleepings in micro's safer here Bumbles!!!

Meanwhiles the old boys stand guardimuss....

DJ The Blindimuss is nearly 21 years old. That is as old as little Two Legs!!!! He is ancients!!!! I giudes him around the house. If I don't he bumps into things....

Scampi is nearly 19 years old. 'A mere strippling compared to DJ' says man Two Legs. A what? Man Two Legs talks weird. He daft as a brush (as he says)....;-)


Saturday, 4 September 2010


Maximus Update -

DJ is safe and backimuss and I is guidings him again.

Two Legs says he is not long for this world so I will makes sure he enjoys.


The Legend that is Maximus Spittimus

Friday, 3 September 2010

I Is Maximus And That Is Alls You Needs

DJ  is missingimuss..he is blinds and has gone away...I is worried about DJ..I will guide him if he comes backs.....Two Legs says he is the only cats they have hads who might go aways to dies...

Man Two Legs is searchings.....I loves you DJ so please comes backimuss....

I was little.

Then I was bigs.

Then I was Bigimuss.

I is Maximus Spittimus and I IS.

For those unsure of what Maximus Spittimus means I IS thereforeimuss YOU ARE.

Is it really so difficultimuss?

Maximus Spittimus loves you all...very muchimuss cause you worships me so you is sensible(imuss)

Loves Maximus Spittimus

I adore you as you clearly adore is sensibleimuss...

I is MAXIMUSS SPITTIMUS and I has spokens

and I wants DJ backimuss....Two Legs is searchings....