Saturday, 5 March 2016

I Is Still Emporer!!!

If you thinks I as died then you is mistakens. I is alive and wellimus but The Two legs is too lazy to postimuss for me.

Everyone's is alive and wellimuss.

The Stealth Bomber is creaking a bit but he is fine.

Billy No Mates has a terminal heart condition but refuses to lie downimuss.

Marie Bug is Queen bee and nobody messes with her....even me

Purrrdy is purring away all day every day.

So. I would have said all this a year ago if The Two Legs wasn't such a lazy man!!!!

I will scratch him in a very painful place if he carries on like this.

I is yours truly.

The Emporer Maximus Spittimus

Saturday, 9 May 2015

Feed Me!

Good griefimuss! I gets fed in the morning and then man Two Legs goes out and I don't get feds until the evening! This is ridiculous!

Lady Two Legs is in hospital so he is there all day! She is fine!!! He could come home and feed me! 6 or 7 times would be enough! it isn't an unreasonable request!!

How can a grown cat survive on only two feedings a day???

I know there is biscuits but biscuits aren't what my belly needs!!!

I is being treated with extreme cruelty!!

Call animal welfare nowimuss!!

I is starvings!!!....oh....don't call them yet...he is backimuss..... thems tomorrow....don't tell hims I said too.....

I is a starvings Emporer Maximus Spittimus and my belly is rumblings!!!

Tuesday, 24 March 2015

Always There To Remind You

As it has been a long timeimuss since I was allowed to post - The Man Two Legs will pay all in good time! - I thoughts I should remind you of my loyal Centurions.

Of course, The Bumbles aka Bumbleeny has long gone to her Centurion paradise but everybody else is still here doing my bidding.....except for Gracie Mae The Fruit Bat.

Gracie Mae The Fruit Bat went wanderings too far and there was a car going too fastimuss and...well...Fruity didn't come home until Man Two Legs found her under a bush.

I was so very sadimuss...I still is...

But! Stealthy The Stealth Bomber is still Head Centurion! He is oldimuss now but he still chases his tale and keeps all other Centurions in order!...well, he does when he isn't chasing his tail anyways...

Billy No Mates is lining himself up to be Head Centurion one day - if I let him! He is handsome but he keeps going under cars and coming out like a blotchy Dalmation. He is a bit dumb really but I likes him.
Marie Bug and Purrrdy were bornimuss in my house and they has stayed cause I lets them. I needs a harem doesn't I???

Marie Bug is called 'Bug' cause she catches flies and eats them - urrrgh! She is crazy!!
 Purrrdy is called Purrrdy cause she purrrrrrrrs really loud. It keeps me awake! But I do like her lotsimuss.
Then and most importantly there is MEEEEEEE! Your Emporer Maximus Spittimus.
 ......bye bye Fruit Bat....I misses you so has the best place in Centurion paradise.
...the bestest place....


Monday, 23 March 2015


That is me. That title thingimuss. I is hissing at Two Legs cause he hasn't let me postimuss for ever!!!!

He is back on Blogger nowimuss ( so now he thinks 'oh! I'll let Maximus Spittimus blog again!

I'd scratch his eyes out but then he wouldn't be able to see the cat food and feedimuss me.

Don't go near his blogimuss!

Just ignore the selfish gittimuss!!!

I'll bite his toes when he is alseepimuss.

I is Maximus Spittimuss and I as finally spokens again!!!!

Wednesday, 4 September 2013

Billy No Mates Is My Latest Centurion

We have a new recruit to the Maximus Empire. He is completely white which has resulted in the man Two Legs shouting "Allwight at the back?" every time he walks through the door. Very oddimuss is man Two Legs.

Billy was given to us by a friend of the Little Two Legs and, as he answered to 'Billy' we kept his nameimuss.

Nobody liked Billy so the Man Two Legs started calling him 'Billy No Mates'.

Now we likes him - most of the timeimuss. Especially after he was shot.

Both Billy No Mates and Gracie Mae The Fruit Bat were shot with an airgun but they is both ok now.
The Police was involved, mainly I thinks to stop the Man Two Legs causing a 'one man' riot in the surrounding area as he looked for the culprit.
Anyways. Billy No Mates has settled inimuss and is currently being trained by Chief Centurion The Stealth Bomber in the niceties of doing my biddingimuss.
I is The Emporer Maxinus Spittimus and I 'as spokens.
(you can follow 'The Continuing Adventures Of Billy No Mates' at under articles from 'Critter Talk' - the Man Two Legs writes them under the pretend name of Norman Rampart. He writes other stuff too but not as important as the Billy No Mates stuff)

Saturday, 24 August 2013

The Return Of Me And The Sorrow Of The Two Legs

I can only apologiseimuss for not beings here. It was not my faultimuss!!! The Two Legs was busy doing other things and couldn't find the time to help me postimuss - bastard!! (imuss)


I is backimuss and all is well with the Maximus world exceptimuss....

Bumble aka The Bumble, aka Bumbleeeny is no more.

The Bumble has gone to the great Cat Basket in the sky.

My glorious one eyed Bumble has passed away and I is so saddimus about that. Bumble taught me so much about being a CAT and, even more importantly, being THE cat.

I is a wee bit lostimuss right now but, out of respect and love for The Bumble I will recover and continue to rule MY universe as it should be.

Why are all these strange peoples leaving weird comments on my bloggimus??

You Two Legs are very weird sometimes aren't you?

I is Maximus Spittimus and I is backimuss.

So there you go eh? ;-)

The Emporer Of The Universe has returned so stop leaving silly comments on my bloggimus you morons or I shall unleash the anger of Maximus and, given my claws, you would not enjoy!!

Tuesday, 12 March 2013

Only Temporarily

Temporarily, The Maximus blog is taking a break. This is because I am now concentrating on posting for a web magazine called Mad Mikes America. The format is that of a magazine rather than a blog and I'm enjoying being a part of it.

Maximus and the gang will turn up there from time to time - indeed my next contribution is entitled 'Maximus Spittimus, Stealth Bomber and the Curious Tale of The Field Mouse'

I really haven't the time to run a couple of blogs as well as contribute to Mad Mike's so, for a while, you'll have to read MMA to keep tabs on the crew.

Maximus's own blog will return to normality at some point in the future. the way, I am contributing to MMA under the alias of Norman Rampart....just so tha knows...

Aide de Camp
Maximus Spittimus