Friday, 29 April 2011

The Garden Of Maximus Spittimus

I loves my garden I does.

It is changing though. The Man Two Legs has found someone in need of work and, as the Man Two Legs is apt to do, he has 'taken him under his wing' (as the Lady Two Legs says)....Man Two legs has wings??? He is birdie???....I may eat him!!!!

There is things going on in my garden.....strange things.....this man emptied the top pond and put the fishies in the bottom pondimuss....I is alright with that....I can chase them in the bottom pondimuss....but why?

I is sitting on the 'water feature' cause it isn't.....watering that garden is changing and I don't know if I likes it yet....The Man Two Legs says 'It will be fine me I'm from Oldham'...

He might be from Oldham...wherever that is...but he's daftimuss as a brushimuss you know....

The Stealth Bomber...Head Centurion perplexed. Perplexed I say!.....He has been decimating the wildlife in MY garden ever since he strayed in here two years ago....Now the fishies are in a deeper pond he can't reach them.....the frogs are sticking their tongues out at him (assuming frogs have tongues)....My garden is changing!!!

Lots of trees are gone now....not the one with the Magpies nest in it, so I can still climb up and try to steal their eggs - except Magpies have no respect for your Emporer...they hisses and screeches and trys to peck my eyes....I WILL get their eggs one day!!!!!

In the meantime I will sit on the water feature until it starts to water again and watch this strange man chop up trees and make MY garden bigger.

I don't knows.....It feels very oddimuss.....The sun shines on me more than it did - which is goodimuss - but there are fewer places to hide and seek with Stealthy.....

Still....The Great Sage Scampi and The Queen Bumble seem to like more light in MY garden so I suppose I will have to allow these changes....

I am MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS and I is sitting on a water feature until it spurts again...

I 'as spokens....

Tuesday, 19 April 2011

The Emporer Of The Universe, The Lord Of All That Is...I'd better carry on this in the post...

...The One And Only Maximus Spittimus, Grand Centurion Leader, Duke Of Catdom, Governer Of Dogdom (at least those dogs who are wisely on my side), Cat God Of All That Is And All That Will Be (if I let it be which mainly depends on how much food is involved in giving my permission for it to be), Chief Bunny (I have to say that as I have Bunny Centurions and need to keep them 'onside'), Most Worthy And Glorious Ruler Of You All...

...has one thing to say. Think before you writimuss!!!

SCAMPI is a BOY. Scampi is not a GIRL. Scampi may be on the way out in the not too distant futureimuss but PLEASE!...Respectimuss!!! Scampi is MY advisor and he is not a girlimuss!!!


SCAMPI is so incensed by the 'she' comments you have added weeks or months onto his lifeimuss!!!

By Order Of His Excellency Maximus Spittimus you must continue to refer to SCAMPI as a is making him angrymuss and he is getting stronger!!!!

I has spokens.

MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS...Emporer Of The Universe and all that other stuff I just saidimuss.....

Friday, 15 April 2011


My Scampi is now 22 years old.

That, according to The Two Legs, is a good age for a cat.

As I am only 2 years old....or thereabouts...I will concur with The Two Legs....

Scampi is my oldest and wisest advisor. Scampi knows.


He is not long for our world...not long for MY world. Scampi is very oldimuss. Few cats make it to 22.
Scampi has.

Scampi is my friend. Scampi is my reason. Without Scampi I am not the Maximus I am whilst Scampi is here.

I is frightenedimuss.....MY Scampi is leaving me.

Day by day he is leaving me!!!!

I will never forget you Scampi.

You will live on in my heart.

You will live on in my Two Legs hearts.

2011 is the year I will lose my Scampi........

I knows this.

Nite nite my Scampi....

Nite nite.....

Saturday, 2 April 2011

A Goose??? A Goose???

The Two Legs is back - and about time too. Leaving me on my ownsimuss indeed!

The Stealth Bomber vanished for five days, Bumble hid in the wardrobe and Scampi crapped in the bedroom - I loves Scampi!!!!

The Little Two Legs and her pet...another man Two Legs...came to stay. That was coolimuss but, they brought another 4 Two Legses that we didn't even knowimuss!!!

'Strangers!' meowed Stealthy and wasn't seen again until he heard our Two Legs voices when they came back.

Little Two Legs fed us and watered us and cuddled me so...just to show who is really in charge I went off my foodimuss - I didn't really, I just wanted everyone to feel guilty!!! (I ate biccies at night when nobody was looking - don't tell them)

Lady Two Legs is still laughings 'cause Man Two Legs was chased by a Goose. It looks like a big fat pigeon to me.

Lady Two Legs say Man Two Legs tried to walk away when the Goose charged but it wouldn't acceptimuss 'walking'. It kept charging Man Two Legs until he started runnings!!!

I is going along next time. I must see Goose chasing Man Two Legs!!!!.....I will ask it to join my Centurion Army. In fact...I will makes it honorararary member now I shall.

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS and likes Gooses!