Tuesday, 29 December 2009

Maximus Spittimus Chrissimus

What is Chrissimus? I not know. Two legs eat a lot of food - and, more importantly - give me turkey and ham and yummy things.

Two legs give me toys to play with. I likes Chrissimus.

Two legs say "Get off table I want to lay it"

What is 'lay a table?' I gets off 'cause I has new toys..

Funny green thing is in my house. It has sparkly things on it. I climb funny green thing and Two Legs say "Get off the bloody tree!".

What is 'bloody tree?'

I not know but I like Chrisimus. I eats lots of turkey and ham and sausages....

I is Maximus Spittimus.

I is going to have Happy New Year 'cause Two Legs say so and he gives me turkey!!!!

Tuesday, 22 December 2009

The Great Cat

I know....you is all thinking I is Great Cat. Well...I is but not THAT Great Cat.

Great Cat is where we goes when we is not running things here no more....

I is watching big box with two legs on it. It takes my mind off.....stuff

My bestest friend, CJ the manky old Tom has gone to Great Cat.

I miss him. I is sad.

Two legs were sad. Man two legs take him to thing called vet and thing called vet say "He had enough. He wild cat. He sicky cat. He had good life and live more cause he with you than is he live wild"

I not really know what all that mean. It just mean my CJ is with Great Cat.

Bye bye CJ.

I is missing you.

Now....what's for dinner?.....

Tuesday, 15 December 2009

I Is Dread

I is on my head...

I Is Maximus Spittimus.

I 'as spoken

Monday, 14 December 2009


I is awake....

I is sleepings - so is Bumble


I is Maximus Spittimus

I is sleepings.

Wednesday, 9 December 2009

All Growed Up

I is all growed up now.

I eats on floor with big cats. I sit next to Scampi.

CJ is scruffy old tom cat. He is my bestest friend.

DJ still looks at me like I is alien thing.

I is Maximus Spittimus.

I is all growed up.

I as spoken.

Sunday, 6 December 2009

I Is It

There is a world. There is a Universe. There is life. There is joy. There is me.

I is Maximus Spittimus.

I as spoken.

Thursday, 3 December 2009

My Posty For You To Honour

I is learning to read. I has a hero. He is called Catbert.

This made man Two Legs laugh. I dunno why? Two legs is weird.

This is Scampi. He is feral. Only man and lady Two Legs can touch him. I no want to. He nuts cat. Lights are on but nobody is home.

I is Maximus Spittimus. I has spoken.

Monday, 30 November 2009

My World Is Good....That Is All That Matters

I is good kitty. I is growin' and eatin'

Bumbley is well again so I is boss again.

I is scratching things Two Legs sit in. They clap their paws and say "Don't do that"

I always listen.....not....;-)

Man Two Legs take me in his metal box. I play with funny round thing. We bounce off kerb. It is good fun!!!!

I is Maximus Spittimus.

I has spoken.

Monday, 23 November 2009

My Bumble is sicky sicky

I is boss. This is my house. I rule.

Bumbely thinks she rule.

I rule.

Bumbely sicky sicky.

She can rule if it mean no more sicky sicky.

I like Bumble.

You no tell her that.

I am Maximus Spittimus.

I have spoken.

Thursday, 19 November 2009

I Am Bestest Cat 'Cause I Not Dumb, Or Wet, Or Fat

This is dumb cat....

This is wet cat....

This is fat cat....

This is what Two Legs says is pussy...which I think means cat?

This is clever sleepy cat. This is me. Lady Two Legs want to sort her paperwork. She sort when I have sleep. Not before.

This is my house. It revolves around me. Two Legs who let me sit in his lap say so.

I am Maximus Spittimus.

I have spoken.

Wednesday, 18 November 2009

Cats Before Me??????

I is shocked to the tip of my tail!

There were cats before me?????

The two legs told me as I snuggle on his lap...

Tara was always old. Even when she came here she was old. She was 22 years old when she go to Great Cat. That is not old. That is just silly time....

Princess Puffball was blind and walked into chairs. It's good job she no here. If she walked into me I would not get up. She is big cat!

Tilly was my two legs baby before me he says. He had a baby before me???? She was wicked cat he says. What is wicked? She take no prisoners he says. I not know what he on about.

There were cats before me! I am not believing this!

I am Maximus Spittimus.

I have spoken.

Monday, 16 November 2009

I Is The Boss!!!

I is the boss!! This is my home and I run the show!!!!

This is Bumble...she is smaller Two Legs cat. She thinks she is Queen Bee...she is wrong!

This is CJ...short for Cuddles Junior. His dad Cuddles brought him here as Cuddles was sicky sicky. Two Legs help Cuddles for a while but he get too sicky sicky and go to The Great Cat....CJ stay. He is rough tough Tom. He is my friend.

This is DJ which means Duke Junior. He is called after old cat long gone when I get here. He look like old cat except he is alive...;-)

He not bother me. He just look at me like I am alien thing!

This is ME. I am most handsomist and I am running the show.

The world is here cause I am in it. Otherwise what's the point?

I am Maximus Spittimus.

I have spoken.

Monday, 9 November 2009

I Not Sicky Sicky

.....but I sleepimuss....

and Two Legs point thing that makes light in my eyes at me and woke me up...

I am Maximus Spittimus.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Friday, 6 November 2009

My Blanky

This is me on my blanky.

Two legs put blanky down and I go where blanky goes.

I still sicky sicky. Tongue hurt me. Two legs get two legs called Vet to put big sharpy thing in me.

I bit better now.

Two legs called Vet says I is wild and I is 'carrier' of lots of horrible thingys.

He is dick head.

I is cat. I can't carry. I have paws not hands.....

My two legs says 'Maximus is mine and you will make him stop being sicky sicky'

My two legs bigger than Vet two legs. Vet two legs will obey.

I stop being sicky sicky soon.

My two legs say so.

I am Maximus Spittimus.

I have spoken.

Thursday, 5 November 2009

Piccie Pic Pic

Two legs pont thing that makes light at me and says "Damn"

It broke. I is all blurry. A ginger blur that's me.

No pics now. Two Legs says he wants new thing that makes light at me.

Othe Two Legs says she want big white thing that goes around and around with things in - like my blankey.

Piccie Pic Pic first so I be handsome on my blog. So there.

I have spoken.

I am Maximus Spittimus

Saturday, 31 October 2009

I Am Handsomist Of All

This is a cat. This is the best cat in the whole world. The world exists because this cat is here in it. There is no point in existance if not for this cat.

This cat is me.

This is not a cat. I have no idea what it is but it isn't a cat. It is weird.


I have spoken

Friday, 30 October 2009


The two legs put me in a cage and then in a strange big metal box.

It made a noise I didn't like and then.....it moved!!!

Then he carried me - in my metal cage - into somewhere.

Another two legs then pushed something into my arse.

I kid you not. A cold tube thing. Right up there. I hissied and spitted and the two legs just carried on. What is this??????

The two legs obviously like to torture us.

Then another thing. A pointy thing. The two legs that my two legs called a vet pushed a sharpy thing in me.

I is better now. I don't feel sicky sicky now.

I sleep on two legs. I kind of don't mind two legs in the big box. He talks to me. I not know what he says but he feeds me and he is nice to me....except for vet thing.

I will not piss or crap on him.

He is like big cat. He is leader. He will look after me.


Wednesday, 28 October 2009

Sicky Sicky Sicky

I am a bit sicky. The two legs is muttering about going to a Vet. What is a Vet?

I am Maximus Spittimus.....but what is a Vet?

I am sicky. I sleep now.

Monday, 26 October 2009

Total Utter Utter Utter Bastards

The two legs said "Start a blog and the world will come to you"

You didn't.

You will suffer unimaginable horrors for this insult.

I may be a kitten but I ain't dumb.

Well...allright...maybe I am dumb but I am the centre of everything and you are not.

You have failed to worship me.

You will pay.

These are cats that have 'sold out'

Remember....I haven't.

My time will come.

I have no idea what this one is...my two legs assured me it would "make a difference"...."he is on thin ice if he's wrong".....



Saturday, 24 October 2009


There I was....minding my own business....my brothers and sisters minding theirs and my mum watching over us.

There it was. The two legs. Grabbing my scruff. I bit the bastard. Quite right too.

My mum attacked it. She attacked another two legs too. The other two legs ran off making a strange noise.

The two legs who had my scruff wouldn't let go. It put me in a strange thing with bars. I couldn't get out. I wanted my mum.


Now I'm living in the two legs place. There's more of them.

One is a bit smaller than my two legs, the other is smaller still.

They keep picking me up and making a fuss of me. I tried hissing at them but they ignored me and kept stroking me.

I pissed on the two legs who caught me and crapped on one of the smaller two legs. That was very funny.

Still, they feed me and now they've let me out of the cage the place is mine.

Only mine.

There are other four legs here. They will learn. I am new. This is my place. If they behave they may stay.

I will include pics of myself...mainly as I am incredibly handsome and the reason for all existence.

One of the two legs is in the pics. I would have removed it but I have no idea how the pics arrived anyway...

I know you will enjoy looking at me because I am a cat. I am, therefore, perfect in every way.