I AM MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS

There I was....minding my own business....my brothers and sisters minding theirs and my mum watching over us.

There it was. The two legs. Grabbing my scruff. I bit the bastard. Quite right too.

My mum attacked it. She attacked another two legs too. The other two legs ran off making a strange noise.

The two legs who had my scruff wouldn't let go. It put me in a strange thing with bars. I couldn't get out. I wanted my mum.

Now?

Now I'm living in the two legs place. There's more of them.

One is a bit smaller than my two legs, the other is smaller still.

They keep picking me up and making a fuss of me. I tried hissing at them but they ignored me and kept stroking me.

I pissed on the two legs who caught me and crapped on one of the smaller two legs. That was very funny.

Still, they feed me and now they've let me out of the cage the place is mine.

Only mine.

There are other four legs here. They will learn. I am new. This is my place. If they behave they may stay.

I will include pics of myself...mainly as I am incredibly handsome and the reason for all existence.

One of the two legs is in the pics. I would have removed it but I have no idea how the pics arrived anyway...

I know you will enjoy looking at me because I am a cat. I am, therefore, perfect in every way.

 

I AM MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS