The Man Two Legs was sent to a strippers pub to rescue two cats as the Lady Two Legs didn't want to go....what is stripper?

The Man Two Legs seemed very keenimuss to go - in fact he seemed to be there far longer than he needed to be. I not knows why......

More cats in my house????.....Well there used to be more than there is nowimuss.....DJ gone, Scampi gone....I suppose I can be accomodating....besides....I needs more Centurions around me to do my bidding!

This is Tabatha.....she is well preggers!...she is about to 'pop' says Lady Two Legs...Pop?...She will go 'POP!'??....I thought she was having kittens....

This is Gracie Mae according to the Two Legs...I would call her Bat Ears myself....She is sweetimuss and subservient to The Great Maximus so I likes her.

The Maximus household is growing againimuss and I likes it!!!

I is MAXIMUS WRIGGLY KITTY SPITTIMUS and I has spokens

Maximus Spittmus Centurions R U

I is not looking down on my Centurions...honestimuss I isn't...I is just higher up than them!!!

I adore my Centurions and I rules them with lots of lovimuss!!!

The Bumbles is my Head Centurioness...She protects me and stays by my side and nobody....NOBODY...messes with The Bumbles...even me!!!

The Bumbles IS The Bumbles and she is my Greatest Centurioness everimuss

The Bumbles is. She just IS.

The Stealth Bomber just IS as well...He has decimated the wildlife population in the Two Legs garden....

Birds, Frogs, Mice, Rats....The Stealthymuss Bomber doesn't care!!! He brings them all home for The Two Legs.

He never kills them though. They is running and hopping about every morning and Man Two Legs returns them to the gardenimuss...until Stealth Bomber brings them back in again...;-)

Scampi is 20 years oldimuss....Scampi is my DJ now...I lost my DJ so Scampi teaches me...he is old and wise

Two Legs says he will not 'make next summer' but I knows Scampi.....He will always be here even when he isn't.

Scampi will never leave me. Not really. Like DJ he will live forever in the mind of Maximus Spittimus.

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS and I as spokens.

except....

I wants more Centurions for my protection.

I does.

If you would like to join my Centurions and be a part of the life of the one and only Maximus Spittimus then e-mail your pics to fourdinners@aol.com and The Two Legs will post your pics and you will be a part of my Centurion Army for ever and ever and ever.

Then like me...Maximus Spittimus...you will be immortalimuss!!!!

MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS has spokens...

ps....Old Kitty and Charlie are Senior Centurions already.... just so you knowimuss...

Before There Was Maximus

Before????? Before meimuss???? There was a before MEEEE?????

I am shockedimuss to the core of my whiskers. I am. I am.

DJ told me there was a before me time. I always believed DJ but thought he was jokimussing me!

Now I has seen proofimuss I is shockedimuss. I is also proudimuss that I can continue the line of great cats and say that they are greatimuss, but I is bestimuss.

Two Legs says he will scan piccies of older cats long gone for me to see. Some, he says are lost forever when his computer crashed and he hadn't put them on a disk...uh? What is he on about?

He says piccies Hissing Sid and Tiddler and Tara and Mouse.....Mouse??? There was a cat called Mouse???....are lost. He better not lose my pics. I is Maximus Spittimus and my pics are sacred!!!

This is 'Holly'. She was a Christmas kitten. She was rescued from kids kicking her around in the street and her brainimuss was damaged. Two Legs say she was always 6 months old in her head - the Vetimuss said so - but she was Man Two Legs baby and he snuggled her and she was a happy kitty. I wish I had met her...

This is L to R, Hissing Sid, Tiddler, my DJ and my Scampi. Hissing Sid and Tiddler went to Great Cat before I was here - I am still shockedimuss that there was a 'before I was here'. Hissing Sid 'hissed' at all Two Legs except man Two Legs - even Lady Two Legs and Little Two Legs was hissed at. I think I would have liked Hissing Sid. Tiddler was always wild DJ had told me. Nobody could touch her - except once when she was poorly and she sat on Lady Two Legs lap. Apart from that one time she would scratch and bite any Two Legs who tried to touch her - I missed so much fun before I was here!!!

My DJ is gone now but my Scampi is still here. He is 20 years old now. He will be as old as DJ was next year.

This is Princess Puffball. DJ said she was found wandering the streets and was blind and deaf. Two Legs found she could hear if the sound was high pitched enough. The Two Legs took her in and she spent many happy years walking into things and getting cuddledimuss.

I am shockedimuss that there was 'before me' but I likes the before me cats. They is coolimuss.

Now don't lose my picciemusses Two Legs!!!!!!

The Two Legs first ever cats 27 years ago....27???????....were Duke and Duchess. DJ was named after the first ever cat - Duke. Lady Two Legs called him that after a Two Legs called John Wayne, who she liked said DJ. The Duke was Boss Cat. I will be Boss Cat one day and think of Duke. I will always think of my DJ.

Goodnight DJ. You will be happy with Great Cat. I know this because.........

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS and I has spokens.

The Stealth Bomber

 Man Two Legs is not calling Blackie 'Blackie' anymore. He is calling him 'Stealth Bomber' - and Blackie is even answering when Man Two Legs says 'Here Stealthy'.

This is because Blac...I mean Stealthy keeps catching things more than any other cat has.

Mices and frogs and birds and more mices and more birds - not frogs now as it is too cold for any frogs to be out. Either that or he has catchimuused them all!!!

Last night the Lady Two Legs screamed when she moved our biscuit bowl. There was a little mousimuss hiding under it.

Mind you, she screamed louder when Bla...er..Stealthy brought a frog onto the bed in the summer!!!

Man Two Legs has scattered DJ's ashes over the rockery where he used to sleeps in the sunshine.

I, MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS, thanks you for your nice purrs when DJ went.

I has spokens.

Goneimuss

I as lost DJ.

He has gone to Great Cat and I is sadimuss.

He walked into the living room, gave a sigh and lay down.

Then he diedimuss. He went away.

The Two Legs say they is gladimuss that they didn't have to go to Vet.

DJ was so oldimuss. He was a FIGHTER. He lived to 21 cause he was a FIGHTER.

Two Legs says his heart just gave out.........

He didn't suffer you know. He just lay down and sighed and .........went.

DJ is with Great Cat.

I is sad but I is not sad cause DJ just 'went'.

I is missings him already.

Two Legs cried and then wrapped him in blanky - not MY blanky!!! - and now he goes to be made into ashes.

Goodnight DJ.

I loves you and will never forget you.

MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS xxxx

ps...I would have puts up pics but Blogger is a piece of shite and wouldn't lets me.

Hellooooo Blogger! You is a complete piece of shitimuss. So there.

My DJ has goneimuss and I can't post piccies of him cause Blogger is shiteimuss.

I will post piccies of DJ when Blogger is not shiteimuss.......perhaps in ten yearsimuss?

...what a pile of shitimuss Blogger is eh?

Me And My Gangimuss

The Bumble is sleepings on the micro wave. I hopes she doesn't sleeps in the micro wave. She be very hot Bumbles then!

The Blackie goes sleeps on my blanky! MY BLANKY!!!!!! Good jobs he is my friend or I hiss and spittimus!!

As my blankimuss is not available (Disgraceful behaviour!!!) I go sleeps on little Two Legs bedimuss. The Bumble joins me - obviously reading my minds about sleepings in micro wave...it's safer here Bumbles!!!

Meanwhiles the old boys stand guardimuss....

DJ The Blindimuss is nearly 21 years old. That is as old as little Two Legs!!!! He is ancients!!!! I giudes him around the house. If I don't he bumps into things....

Scampi is nearly 19 years old. 'A mere strippling compared to DJ' says man Two Legs. A what? Man Two Legs talks weird. He daft as a brush (as he says)....;-)

I IS MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS AND I HAS SPOKENS

Backimuss

Maximus Update -

DJ is safe and backimuss and I is guidings him again.

Two Legs says he is not long for this world so I will makes sure he enjoys.

Love,

The Legend that is Maximus Spittimus

DJ Is Sniffings

DJ is very oldimuss. He has just gone blindimuss. He is ok. Two Legs say "it must have been a steady process as he seems to have adapted".....I as no idea what that all means but DJ is ok.

I brings him flowers to sniffs as Two Legs says he needs lots of attention - as long as it isn't more than I gets!

DJ walk into flowers on floor as they weren't there when he could see. He sniffings them then he sneezes.

He is 20 years old is DJ. That is not old that is older than oldest.

I loves DJ. I be Guide Cat for him so he can go sniffings in garden still.

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS and I has spokens.

Maximus Is Backimus

I claim the stairs as the official territory of Maximus Spittimus. Besides, I can trip up Two Legs as they go up and down. This is good fun. Especially last week when man Two Legs couldn't even step over me 'cause his bottom hurt. hehehehe

Just so's you know as I have had to be absent 'cause of Two Legs Botty - very inconsiderate of him I might adds...does he not know I am the only reason his entire universe exists??? - Blacky is now coming into house and eatings.

The Bumbles still thinks she is in charge and lords it over us on top of the microwave....and no, I hasn't a clue what a microwave is - although man Two Legs said 'If you jump on my bottom again I will microwave you!'...What he means?

DJ of the shiny eyes - have you seen his eyes always shine in piccies? He must be possessed! - has been napping in man Two Legs chair 'cause man Two Legs couldn't sit down.

Scampi always sits on backs of chairs. I like Scampi lots but he is weird cat.....

'Cause man Two Legs gets hot easy lady Two Legs turns heating down 'til he is better but gets colds so puts dressing gown on her lap....now it is my dressing gown and my lap....as is only right and proper.

Man Two Legs say he take me to see you tomorrow to see what you are doings.

I 'as missed you.

I is Maximus Spittimus and I 'as spokens.

I Is In The Gang!

The Bumbles has been teachings me things. The Scampi and The DJ just looked at me as if I is an alien.

Now they is letting me in their gang. I can symmetrically sleeps with them and they don't minds.

This is The Scampi and The DJ's letting me sleeps on the Two Legs bed with them.

I is so pleased The Scampi and The DJ likes me now. They os old and tough Tom Cats and I thoughts they would never likes me.

I is Maximus Spittimus.

I 'as spokens.

DJ Sez....

DJ sez "You stay in sinks Maximus and chase water. Outsides is dangerous and you are not ready for dangerous yet"

He stands in front of cat hole to stops me.

DJ is big tough Tom.

I think I listens to DJ...

...and chase waters insteads....

I is Maximus Spittimus and I 'as spokens

Maximus Eatimuss

Hole in door is locked!!!! Bumble, DJ and Scampi now have to look at Two Legs and he opens door. They can come in through hole in door but not out.

This is cheats!!!!

I eats 'cause I is hungry but I sulks. I may hairball on Two Legs head when he sleepimuss!

I is allowed to eat with The Bumbles 'cause she teach me stuff.

It is good job CJ went to Great Cat. When Two Legs lock hole CJ rip it out of door to get out. He was strong cat. I miss CJ.

Still, I got The Bumbles to teach me.

I hungries now.

I is Maximus Spittimus

I 'as spoken

Lots Of Muss

I is sleepimuss on my blankimuss

Bumble is yawnimuss (coz I chases her and she is tired)

DJ is let me out of hereimuss - he no like clicky light that Two Legs uses.

And Scampi look pissed offimuss - he no like clicky light either.

This is my home and my friends.

I is Maximus Spittimus and I 'as spoken