Noushka The Complete Bitchimuss Catimuss

Man Two Legs likes Noushka...aka...Nu-Nu,which merely confirms that Man Two Legs is insane,

Nu-Nu is not all there....Nu-Nu is twopence short of a shilling...she is a sandwich short of a picnic....

Nu-Nu is just weird!...She follows me abouts like I is a God!!!....er....Nu-Nu is clearly not as daft as she looks...

Noushka aka Nu-Nu spent many days sussing out the cat flap......Yes Nu-Nu...you push it with your headimuss...silly girl...

I is teachings her to use the cat flap....I is slightly worried that if I has to teach Nu-Nu she is clearly as daftinuss as I thinks she is!!!!

I thinks I might get to like Nu-Nu...she is so daftimuss she is like a female version of meimuss!!!

The home of Maximus Wriggly Kitty Spittimus is currently in fluximuss.....

I 'as spokens.

I is Maximus Wriggly Kitty Spittimus....

...and I is THE WORD!

.

The Adventures Of Maximus Spittimus Part II

Two Legs is very busy doing whatever it is Two Legs do.

I is sorry I hasn't been to visit you but until Two Legs isn't busy I can't 'cause I don't know hows....

I thinks, 'let's go in gardens', so I does.

Two Legs say "Waits for me Maximus!"...Why I wait for him?

I goes and he must chases me!

This is me in wilds!

This is more me in wilds!

This is me sniffing wilds!

This is me hidings in wilds!

This is me up a tree!

I like wilds!

I come visit you soon as Two Legs is not too busy doing what ever it is is Two Legs is doings.

I is Maximus Spittimus and I 'as spokens.

Blacky

I has new friend. He is wild Tom. Two Legs feed him and now he lets them stroke him. He led me into wild outdoors when man Two Legs ran down garden in his boxer shorts. I like Blacky and he like me.

Two Legs say he has to have operation on his 'things' so he can come in house. What things?

Blacky come in house when Two Legs not here. One time man Two Legs come in through door and Blacky run for cat hole in back door. Thing is, man Two Legs has it on in only to stop me going into wild outside until I is ready.

Blacky headbutted cat hole and bounced off. It was very funnies.

Two Legs say "It's ok Blacky" but Blacky think 'it not ok!' and take big run and smashes through locked cat hole in back door.

Blacky very strong and tough. He my friend. I hope he still my friend when he has things done to his things...whatever that means...

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS and I has spokens...

DJ Sez....

DJ sez "You stay in sinks Maximus and chase water. Outsides is dangerous and you are not ready for dangerous yet"

He stands in front of cat hole to stops me.

DJ is big tough Tom.

I think I listens to DJ...

...and chase waters insteads....

I is Maximus Spittimus and I 'as spokens

Where Is Door Hole?

Two Legs show me what he calls 'great outdoors'. Two Legs say "Go on then"

I thinks "Go on then" means I go into great outdoors.

I has been there and I is not sure I likes.

I chased Blacky - a new stray that Two Legs is feeding - and he vanishes over big woody thing. I can't follow. I is alone and frightened.

I followed The Bumbles out of hole in door but she vanishes over big woody thing and I is alone.

I no likes alone.

I sits and looks.

Two Legs tell other Two Legs I sits and looks for ages.

Then a big flappy thing swoops out of sky.

Two Legs say it is Pigeon.

What is Pigeon?

It makes whooshy noise and I is frightened.

I run back into Two Legs house.

I is safe there and I can do what I want.

Great outdoors is very very big!!!

I is Maximus Spittimus and I 'as spoken

Maximus Eatimuss

Hole in door is locked!!!! Bumble, DJ and Scampi now have to look at Two Legs and he opens door. They can come in through hole in door but not out.

This is cheats!!!!

I eats 'cause I is hungry but I sulks. I may hairball on Two Legs head when he sleepimuss!

I is allowed to eat with The Bumbles 'cause she teach me stuff.

It is good job CJ went to Great Cat. When Two Legs lock hole CJ rip it out of door to get out. He was strong cat. I miss CJ.

Still, I got The Bumbles to teach me.

I hungries now.

I is Maximus Spittimus

I 'as spoken

Spinny Thing

This is hole. Is it hole in door?

No! This is bigger hole.

Arrrrgh!!! It is hole into spinny thing

Let me out's of here

I no like spinny thing

I is Maximus Spittimus

I 'as spoken

Maximus Spittimus Is Innocentimuss

Two Legs say I is banned from posting 'cause I goes out of cat flap.

No I doesn't....er....possiblies...

I is on my blanky with my favourite thing.

Two Legs is daftimuss.

I is sitting in sink not runnings about outsides. This is proofimuss!!!

Two Legs did look sillymuss in his underwear chasing down the garden after me though...er

...even if I wasn't there....

I was chasing wet stuff!!!!

Maximus Spittimus IS innocent!!!

I 'as spoken.....

WTF is WTF in Cat?

Looks.

I sees DJ and Scampi goes through hole in door.

I goes through hole in door.

There is problem?

I is cat. I is only reason for universe (whatever that is) existing.

All I wants is to go through hole in door.

I 'as spoken.

I is Maximus Spittimus.

I is dread....