All By Myself!!!

Well...I will not be entirely by my selfimuss....Stealthy, Bumble and old Scampi will be here - as will the Little Two Legs for three of the five days so I will be fed and watered I suppose...

The Two Legs are going away!!! They are leaving me!!!! For 5 whole days!!!!

"We are going to The New Forest for our 25th wedding anniversary...back to our honeymoon hotel" they says.

New Forest?...How can a forest be newimuss??? Even I knows it takes years for trees to grow!!! Forests can't be new!!!

25th what???....What is wedding anniversary???....What is wedding????...they are mad I tell you!!! Mad!!!

Honeymoon????...The moon isn't honey!!! Honey is for Beesimusses!!!! The moon is up in the sky!!! My Two Legs are going up in the sky????

I is alarmed. I is even alarmedimuss!!!!

I has learned to work the computey myselfimuss so I can postimuss....no use hoping The Two Legs do it...they'll be up in the sky with Bees and honey and the moonimuss!!!

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS  and I has two very crazy Two Legs to get back into line!!!!

The moon indeed!!!...Mad as hatters both of them!!!

Scampi And The Bumbles Is Sleepings

The old and venerable Scampi is sleepings...he does this a lot...he is 21 years old and that is very oldimuss for a cat. He advises Your Emporer and tells me when I is being silly or unreasonable...not that I is ever silly or unreasonable of courseimuss...How can I be?...I is the Centre Of Everything!

The Bumbles...aka Bumble....aka Bumble-eeny is sleepings too...Bumble is a lady I adore...but I doesn't understandimuss.

She hits me around the head....How can anyones hit me??? I is Maximus Spittimus!!!! The Emporer of The World!!! The Bumbles is keeping me in my placeimuss says The Two Legs...

My placeimuss is Ruler Of The Universe!!!...I doesn't needs keepings in my place!! I is already in my place!!!

I loves The Bumbles but I is confused...I is hit around the headimuss when I tries to eats The Bumbles foodimuss.

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS  and I rules the Universe - as long as The Bumbles says so.....

The Maximus Sleepy Place

I is sleepings. I is not always sleeping on my blankie. Sometimes I is sleeping on what Two Legs calls a Piano Stool.

I as no idea what a piano or a piano stool is but I sleeps on it...the piano stool that is....Two Legs says piano goes 'plunk plink plunketty plunk'

My stool doesn't go 'plunk plink plunketty plunk' so I knows it is a piano stool and not a piano.

My piano stool is near somethings called a radiator...it is warmimuss so I likes it. The Two Legs put clothes around my piano stool so I knows it is warmimuss and I is sleepings there when I don't want my blankimuss.

There is window near my piano stool so I can see birdies and things when I looks out if I decide to stop sleepings.

My blankimuss is THE MAXIMUS BLANKIMUS....My piano stool is THE MAXIMUS PIANO STOOL.

It is MINE.

I 'as spokens and I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS.

MAXIMUS Maximus

Is not!!!!

I refutes this insult to my magnificent personage!!!!

I is not getting FAT!!!!!!

I is pleasantly rotundimuss!!!!

Damn cheek these Two Legs have!!!!!

Disgraceful behaviour!!!!!

My claws await their toes as they is sleepings!!!!

Is just big boned and my fur is big too!!!

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS and I is insulted!!!!

SPARTA!!!

You is MY MAIN CENTURION by default!!!!



I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS and SPARTA is the BUSIMUSS!!!!

All Is Wellimus In The World Of Maximus Spittimus

I is good....actually...I is greatimuss!!!

Bumble is well again,

Scampi is Scampi

 

and The Stealth Bomber continues to stealthily bomb any living creature that invades MY garden.

 

The Maximus Spittimus Universe is good.

The Two Legs universe is a bit chaotic so he can't post a lot for a bittimuss.

Well...that's what he thinks....carefully directed claws in delicate places will ensue and MAXIMUS WILL NOT BE DENIED!

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS  and I has spokens to my loyal Centurions (and other lesser creatures)

(If you would honour me by becoming a MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS CENTURION then e-mail your picture and details to fourdinners@aol.com....but make it quickimuss...AOL are toast in the Maximus household and will shortly be replaced by Orange).

So there.

Maximus Blankimuss

This is my blankimuss. I has had it since I was first here. It is from my blankimuss that I surveys my universe.

Without blankimuss Maximus would not be Maximus. It is mine...mine...mine...and nobody can lay on blankimuss but me.

I is sniffings it every night to make sure nobody else has been near it.

My blankimuss is my favourite thing.

As long as there is blankimuss there is Maximus Spittimus and as long as there is Maximus Spittimus there is blankimuss.

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS and I has spokens.