Saturday, 25 August 2012

Wide Eyed And Legless

Good Evening. I am The Stealth Bomber, known to my friends as Stealthy.

I am The Senior Centurion in The Maximus Spittimus Empire.

I am also Generalissimo Of The MSSP (Maximus Spittimus Secret Police)

I have to report a worrying development.

My Emporer returned home from reconnoi....reccono....inspecting his empire the other day and appeared to be...erm.. 'not himself'.

Eyes wide, pupils dilated, bunny hopping sideways, tongue sticking out further than is normal for my Emporer.

I considered the possibility that he had discovered a discarded Two Legs LSD tablet and was merely stoned out of his skull, but on closer inspection it became apparent that he was TERRIFIED.

No cat, dog, fox, grass snake, frog, toad, pigeon, magpie, rat, pond fish, sparrow, fly, wasp, bee, centipede, millepede, ant.....I believe that is the entire list of creatures that occasionally disturb my Emporers psyche....oh yes, snail, slug, spider, mouse...will be safe until I discover which creature left my Emporer bunny hopping....sideways

Any suggestion that my Emporer is, in reality, a 'wuss' will suffer the gravest consequences. They will be visited in the dead of night by The MSSP.

You have been warned.

I will not rest until my Emporer desists from bunny hopping....at least until he stops doing it sideways...

I am THE STEALTH BOMBER.

ALL ENEMIES OF THE EMPORER MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS WILL TREMBLE ON MY COMMAND.
Meowed on behalf of Maximus Spittimus by at

11 comments:

  1. curator25 August 2012 at 09:13

    Oh my gosh! Will Maximus be okay??

    ReplyDelete
  2. DILLIGAF25 August 2012 at 10:50

    Maximus is absolutely fine - if still a wee bit 'jumpy'. There have been several 'cat napping' cases in our area of late and, as he's a beautiful Ginger boy he is a prime target for such things.

    Most 'cat napping' is related to 'dog baiting' around here....we seem to have an inordinate number of 'Pikey's'....America call them 'Gypsies'. They train their Pit Bulls etc to attack cats and then place bets on the winner.

    We strongly suspect a human tried to 'grab' Maximus and didn't manage it.

    The 'humour' of the post...as in 'is he a wuss' is merely humour. If you don't laugh you'd cry at humanity eh?

    I think we almost lost him to these creatures....but he was better than them and hopefully stuck his claws in their eyes.

    He's still a wee bit jumpy but he is fine now.

    He's home again.

    Four Dinners
    Aide de Camp
    Maximus Spittimus
    Emporer of all that is and will be.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Old Kitty25 August 2012 at 13:09

    Oh no! I am so sorry to read about such things going on! Catnapping for dog baiting? :-( That's just obscene for the animals. I am so sorry. Hugs to Maximus - poor kitty. :-(

    Take care
    x

    ReplyDelete
  4. John Bellen28 August 2012 at 11:11

    There are evil people everywhere, aren't there? Maybe one day the pit bulls will turn on the people who make them do such things...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sewmouse29 August 2012 at 13:47

    Unfortunately, Bellen, I'm afraid that even if the pitties did it to the most evil among us, the dogs would be the ones to suffer, not the asshats who abused them.

    ReplyDelete
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