Thursday, 25 February 2010

I Is In The Gang!

The Bumbles has been teachings me things. The Scampi and The DJ just looked at me as if I is an alien.

Now they is letting me in their gang. I can symmetrically sleeps with them and they don't minds.

This is The Scampi and The DJ's letting me sleeps on the Two Legs bed with them.

I is so pleased The Scampi and The DJ likes me now. They os old and tough Tom Cats and I thoughts they would never likes me.

I is Maximus Spittimus.

I 'as spokens.

Monday, 22 February 2010

I Is Lappy Kitty

I sits on Lady Two Legs lappy

She says "Maximus I need to pee"

She no pee until she tickles my chin

For a long times!!!

I is Maximus Spittimus

I 'as spokens.

Friday, 19 February 2010

My Favourite Thing

I 'as favourite thing.

Two Legs no understand.

They gets me lots of toys and squeaky things but I 'as favourite thing.

I carries it and I hides it and I plays with it.

I no need squeaky things.

I 'as favourite thing

I is Maximus Spittimus

I 'as spokens

Tuesday, 16 February 2010

DJ Sez....

DJ sez "You stay in sinks Maximus and chase water. Outsides is dangerous and you are not ready for dangerous yet"

He stands in front of cat hole to stops me.

DJ is big tough Tom.

I think I listens to DJ...

...and chase waters insteads....

I is Maximus Spittimus and I 'as spokens

Friday, 12 February 2010

I Guardimuss (with The Bumbles)

I is not in cat house for breakings vase anymores. Man Two Legs hugs me and carry's me into Lady Two Legs and she says "Awws" and cuddles me - which is the least I deserves....

I then help The Bumble to guard the Church money that Lady Two Legs sorts out.

We is only pretendings to be asleep.

We is really alert.

er...What is a lert?

I is Maximus Spittimus and I 'as spoken

Wednesday, 10 February 2010

This happened. It wasn't me fault. All I was doings was sniffings it. It fell. I fell. I was wets.

Lady Two Legs shouted at me. Shouted at me? I runs.

Man Two legs hugs me and says "What you done now Maximus?"

I done nothings. Funny thing with flowers done it. I was just sniffings.

Man Two Legs makes food for little Two Legs who comes homes. I wants some. It is fishy thing and pasta.

I not know pasta but I know fishy thing.

Man Two Legs give me fishy thing - ohhhhhh!!! that is my tongue on my noses!!!!

Lady Two Legs angry.

She cuddles me laters.

I is Maximus Spittimus.

I 'as spoken.

Sunday, 7 February 2010

Great Outdoors

Two Legs wakes me ups.

"You can go outside now" he says.

Two legs is nuts.

Outside is colds and dangerous inside is warms and safe.

Two Legs is very nuts.

I is Maximus Spittimus and I 'as spokenzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Friday, 5 February 2010

Where Is Door Hole?

Two Legs show me what he calls 'great outdoors'. Two Legs say "Go on then"

I thinks "Go on then" means I go into great outdoors.

I has been there and I is not sure I likes.

I chased Blacky - a new stray that Two Legs is feeding - and he vanishes over big woody thing. I can't follow. I is alone and frightened.

I followed The Bumbles out of hole in door but she vanishes over big woody thing and I is alone.

I no likes alone.

I sits and looks.

Two Legs tell other Two Legs I sits and looks for ages.

Then a big flappy thing swoops out of sky.

Two Legs say it is Pigeon.

What is Pigeon?

It makes whooshy noise and I is frightened.

I run back into Two Legs house.

I is safe there and I can do what I want.

Great outdoors is very very big!!!

I is Maximus Spittimus and I 'as spoken

Wednesday, 3 February 2010

A Message From The Two Legs

I would like to point out that Maximus Spittimus will be allowed out eventually.

Unfortunately he is a sandwich short of a picnic / a match short of a box / a cow short of a herd / a sheep short of a Yorkshireman / Tuppence short of a short...the light's are on and nobody is home.
He is, frankly, one of the most handsome, loveable, amazing cats we've ever had.

We'd like him to stay that way too.

He was born wild. Feral. At least 3rd generation feral...perhaps more than 3rd...

It's quite possible his brother was his father...or at least his uncle... (that being said he doesn't 'meow' in an American deep south accent)...;-)

He has the courage of Maximus (Russell Crowe in Gladiator) - Hence the name.

He spits at anyone and anything that is unknown to him. Hence the name.

Running away is not an option.

He is also 'daft as a brush' - and no, I have no idea what that means but the late (former England Manager) great, Sir Bobby Robson said that about Paul Gascoigne - possibly the greatest footballer England has ever produced - so if it's it's good enough for Sir Bobby it's good enough for Maximus....

He is, in short, unbelievably thick.

Carol, Jacqui and I promise to love and protect him from here on in.

I've a worrying feeling however that we won't be able to protect him from himself.

His 'outdoor' adventures may be something to behold.

Anyroad...we'll do our best by him as we must.

My vodka consumption will undoubtedly increase.

Oh dear......;-)

This coming weekend will be his first time...officially...outdoors.....

...oh eck...

Incidentally...try this link. Maximus Spittimus has transmogriphied into a real person!!!

Tuesday, 2 February 2010

Maximus Eatimuss

Hole in door is locked!!!! Bumble, DJ and Scampi now have to look at Two Legs and he opens door. They can come in through hole in door but not out.

This is cheats!!!!

I eats 'cause I is hungry but I sulks. I may hairball on Two Legs head when he sleepimuss!

I is allowed to eat with The Bumbles 'cause she teach me stuff.

It is good job CJ went to Great Cat. When Two Legs lock hole CJ rip it out of door to get out. He was strong cat. I miss CJ.

Still, I got The Bumbles to teach me.

I hungries now.

I is Maximus Spittimus

I 'as spoken