Wednesday 19 December 2012

Jingley Balls

The Man Two Legs says that 'Jingley Balls' means it is Chrissimussimuss....

The Lady Two Legs says that if he doesn't behave she'll 'Hang his Jingley Balls on the Christmas Tree'.....

Two Legs is so weirdimuss...


Firstly...a strange green thingimuss with sparkly bits has appeared in my house....I seem to recallimuss the same thing happened last year....I has no idea why....it is a Two Legs thing which only goes to prove Two Legs are very strangeimuss...


In the meantime, Gracie Mae The Fruit Bat decided to rip a rug to bits - possibly because she has never seen a green sparkley thing in her new home and, being a Fruit Bat, thought ripping up a rug would show her view on the green sparkly thingimuss....


Purrdy Purr Purr on the other hand, took one look at the green sparkly thingy, rolled over and went back to sleepimuss.....Purrdy is sooooooooo coooool !!!


Bumble aka The Bumbles aka Bumbleeeny decided to shut her good eye and ignore these strange goings on...The Bumbles knows the score...she is ABOVE all of this stuff.....


Marie Bug stole my blankie and copied Purrdy in sleeping through it all...er.....MARIE!!!!....YOU STOLE MY BLANKIE???????....Is there no respect left in my world????....MY BLANKIE????


The Stealth Bomber aka Stealthy spent an inordinate amount of time inspecting the rug torn to shreds by Fruit Bat.....I as no idea why but you doesn't ask Stealthy 'why?'....You just accepts Stealthy is Stealthy...at least there wasn't a frog under the rug...for once...;-)


And I, your beloved Emporer Maximus Spittimus, considered going out of the Cat Flap to escape the strange happenings inside my Empire.

Then I thoughts.....'Oh...This is MY empire....I is in chargeimuss!!!'....so I didn't use the Cat Flap.

.....mainly because it is beneath me to use the Cat Flap...The Two Legs must open the door for me...but also because it was rainings and I would have got wetimuss.....

Anyways....

The Green Sparkly thingimuss is here again.....I wonder whether Fruit Bat will try to climb it?.....I bets she does....


Happy Christmasimuss from your Emporer....The Magnificent MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS....


Monday 3 December 2012

Everybody Is Sleepings

I is sleepings on my Blankimuss
Stealth Bomber (Stealthy) is sleepings on the unmade bedimuss
Bumble...aka The Bumbles...aka Bumbleeeny is sleepings on the armchair cushions
Gracie Mae aka Fruitbat and Purrdy are 'resting' on the leather swivel chair...they will be sleepings shortly..

So where is Marie????????

Marie is outside catching leaves.

Marie loves leaves.

She brings leaves home like Stealthy brings Mouses home.

Marie is daft as a brushimuss.

She is out chasing leaves in the cold and the darkimuss.

The rest of us is sleepings - or nearly sleepings in the warmimuss...

We is sensible.

Marie is daftimuss.

...and why has Purrdy got lazor beam eyes?????.....That is weirdimuss...

I IS THE EMPORER MAXMIUS SPITTIMUS AND I 'AS SPOKENS.

NOW I SLEEPIMUSS...

Friday 16 November 2012

Sleepings, Peepings And Bumbleeeny

Having survived the 'Night Of Loud Bangs, Whizzes, Fizzes and Crackles I is getting some well earned sleep.

My Generalissimo Stealth Bomber aka Stealthy, after spending a night sitting on my head to protect me is also getting some well earned zzzzzzzz's


Gracie Mae the Fruitbat is still peepings around corners in case anything else goes BANG or FIZZ


...as is Marie who seems to be very tired but too perplexed at all the BANGS and WHIZZIES to go sleepimuss yet...

Tabatha Tab-Tabs, who is an 'outdoor girl' is still missings after two daysimuss...I is worried...The Man Two Legs has gone out and called her....as yet to no avail. Still, Tabatha Tab-Tabs is an outdoor independent lady...so she will come home when she feels it is safe to emerge and she is hungrymuss enough...I hopes..

Purrdy is still under the Little Two Legs bed...she is in shockimuss at all the noiseimuss!!!

But The Bumble?


The Bumble aka The Bumbles aka Bumbleeeny is incredibly unperturbed by all those BANGS and CRACKS...She is The Thatcher of the feline world!!! She is my IRON LADY!!!!


Now pose for the camera Bumbles...my Iron Lady!....Let my Centurions see how magnificent and brave you are!!!! - only because of my influence....obviously....Bumble obeys my every command!!!

Now...pose again Bumble....


....er.....Bumble?....er.....Bumbleeeny?.....Obey me!....er.....um....please?......Pleaseimuss?

Oh to hell with it!......Women!!!!

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS (WRIGGLY KITTY) and I 'as spokens.....er...and Bumbles 'as left the building.....

Tuesday 13 November 2012

BANG!!! CRACK!!!! FIZZLE!!!! BANG!!!!

It is noiseimuss....Two Legs say it is Diwali. They says it is aliens - we is being invaded???

I hates it. Stealthy hates it. The Bumbles hates it. Tabatha Tab Tabs hates it. Marie hates it. Purrdy hates it. The Two Legs hate it.

They says we is moving somewhere that is England.

I as no idea what they means but if it means less BANGS then I likes it.

They is noiseimuss. Man Two Legs says they is aliens.

I not know what aliens is but they is noiseimuss so we doesn't likes thems.

I will scratch thems.....when I finds out what 'thems' is....

I is MAXIMUS and hates the noises....

Sunday 4 November 2012

Pussy Cat, Pussy Cat, Where Have You Been?...

There IS a GOD....So there....

The Man Two Legs is very busyimuss and hasn't the time to postimuss so he has done this postimuss for moi.

I, Maximus Spittimus, acknowledges the Man Two Legs willingness to postimuss when he is knackered because he loves me...

And what is there not to love??????

I is THE EMPORER MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS (WRIGGLY KITTY) and I 'as spokens... 

Friday 19 October 2012

Marie Marie Oh With Your Eyes So Blue....

...er...oh...erm...yes...that was Blondie's 'Denis'...well never mind...Marie's eyes aren't blue but so whatimuss???

Marie seems to have taken a liking to following me around thereby clearly stating that she is a Kittie of enormously good taste.

I didn't even know she was there....copying my window ledge window ledging...

Then I realised she was thereimuss...

Marie is tailing her way into my Leading Centurionesses....and you has to admit...it is quite a tail!!!!


And those eyes!!!.....I melts into those eyes...

I is THE EMPORER MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS (WRIGGLY KITTY) and I thinks I is in loveimuss....

I 'as spokens...

Tuesday 9 October 2012

The Beeatch!!!

Tabatha (Tab-Tabs) is otherwise known as 'The Beeatch'.....purely because she is indeed a 'Beeatch'.

She is also gorgeous and is clearly a 'MAJOR' Centurioness....NOBODY messes with Tabatha (Tab-Tabs)...Not even The Two Legs...


You mess with Tabatha (Tab-Tabs) and you WILL lose the sight in one eye or get deep gouges on your body.....and that's if you're lucky....

The Little Two Legs is terrified of Tabatha (Tab-Tabs)

The Man Two Legs loves her and cuddles her and calls her Tab-Tabs.

He is nuts.

She is nuts.

Still......she IS a Centurioness - and the toughest maddest Centurioness ever in The Maximus Spittimus Empire.


Marie, below in the pic, is Tabatha (Tab-Tabs) daughter and she is, in looks, a perfect 'Mini-Me'...except Marie doesn't attempt to disembowel anyone who touches her....

The Man Two Legs loves her and cuddles her....All other Two Legs avoid her...

Me?

I just think....'I'll keep this babe on MY side'

I is wiseimuss.

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS (WRIGGLY KITTY) and I 'as spokens...

Friday 28 September 2012

The Maximus Spittimus Empire

Rightimuss...

After my frightening thingimuss recently I 'as been a bit lax governing my Empire....

Stealthy and my Centurions run away from a dog and the Man Two Legs hits someone for hitting me with his shoeimuss...I hardly felt it...

I 'as been looking under the sink and in dark corners for things to jump out and they hasnt's....

The Two Legs don't know what I am looking for and neither does I.

I is getting back to normalimuss so my world must get back to normalimuss.

My world is THE MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS EMPIRE and I is back to governing it!!!

The Man Two Legs is taking more pics of my Centurions and, of course, me.

Normality is restoredimuss.....at lastimuss...

I IS MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS (WRIGGLY KITTY) AND I 'AS SPOKENS.

Wednesday 26 September 2012

Dogs and cats and dogs and cats

NOW BE QUIET!!!!! THIS IS MY EMPIRE!!!!

Good grief....Lacey the dog, the dog from next door, comes running in through our...er..MY front door and barks and Stealthy and my Centurions run away - except The Bumbles aka Bumble aka Bumbleeeny who just sits and hisses at her...er...it...

.....some muslim (what is one of those?) neighbour throws a shoe at me - in front of my Man Two Legs - and says I am the pet of an 'infidel'....what is an infidel???...and my Man Two Legs thumps him and he falls over and the police come and.....well...I is not sure what happens nextimuss...My Man Two Legs shouts at the police and they goes away.

People seems to go away if MY Man Two Legs shout....He shouts loudimuss and won't shut upimuss.

He NEVER shouts at me and mine though....so that is what countsimuss?

I am Maximus Spittimus...but I is subduedimuss....

There are strange things happenings in my neighbourhood and I don't understandimuss....

The Man Two Legs says we are leaving.....he says we are leaving before he 'loses it'.

What is he losing? I is confusedimuss....this is MY placeimuss.

Why are we leaving?

I 'as been here since I was this....

Thursday 20 September 2012

Dennis The Menace

I is AMAZED!!!! I is in AWE!!!!

Dennis the cat has stolens lots of things from washing lines......he has even stolens a doggie chew from the doggie!!!!


Dennis has made the national news in newspapers and television!!!!

Dennis has stolens thongs and towels and t-shirts...

When anything goes missing near Dennis's home the neighbours go to his home to ask if he's stolen it.....

knickers, designer pants, training shoes, gardening gloves....Dennis takes everythingimuss!!!

You can find Dennis on Google and read of his incredible exploits!!!

Dennis A STAR!!!!

Dennis is hereby confered with special dispensation....

Dennis is henceforth THE MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS (WRIGGLY KITTY) CENTURION FOR STEALING THINGIMUSSES

DENNIS IS AWESOMEIMUSS!!!!

I is Maximus Spittimus and I 'as spokens!!!!

Friday 14 September 2012

MAXIMUS MAXIMUS!!!!!!!!!!

I WAS THIS....

NOW.....

I AM THIS.....

I AM THE EMPORER MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS AND YOU ARE MY SUBJECTS IN MY EMPIRE.....AND DON'T YOU FORGETIMUSS IT!!!

Thursday 13 September 2012

Kitties Growimuss!!!

Marie is looking so much like her mum Tabatha Tab-Tabs that she is also known as Mini-Me
Purrdy likes to dangle from things...arm chairs, curtains, ceilings...aka Dangle Purrds...
And of courseimuss...I looks over them benevolently as I is their Emporer....

I IS MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS

Wednesday 5 September 2012

Legend Of The Fruitbat

Where did Gracie Mae come from?....I 'as no idea....she just IS....

The Two Legs are in 'Cats Protection'...a British national registered charity that looks after cats that nobody wantsimuss....sometimes somebody wants them and they gets their own home. Sometimes nobody wants them so they stays here and becomes MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS CENTURIONS.

The Lady Two Legs 'CP Group Co-Ordinator' received a telephone call from the owner of a 'strip pub'....exotic dancers and such things...I 'as no idea what they is....

"I'm not going THERE!" said the Lady Two Legs CP Group Co-Ordinator.

"I'm not going THERE!" said my Lady Two Legs.

"I'll go!" said my Man Two Legs.....he always seems so wiseimuss doesn't he?....

The Man Two Legs rescued Tabatha Tab-Tabs who was heavily preggers and gave us the much missed Smokey Jo(sephine), Jack and Jill and the much loved and remaining in MY empire Purrdy and Marie.

He also rescued Gracie 'Fruit Bat' Mae.

Now Gracie Mae is a Tabby girl....as you can see in this piccie...

But she is so much more...

She is a DEVA....She is a POSEUR....SHE IS GRACIE MAE!!!!


She is also a sandwich short of a picnic...but I doesn't do picnics anyways so I doesn't careimuss...

SHE IS GRACIE MAE...THE FRUIT BAT...SHE IS MY BABY AND SHE IS UNDER THE PROTECTION AND LOVE OF THE EMPORER MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS.

That is ALL you needs to know....

I loves my Fruit Bat.


She is MY FRUIT BAT......She is not all there but then again....who is?
I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS (WRIGGLY KITTY) AND I 'AS SPOKENS.

Thursday 30 August 2012

I IS BACKIMUSS!!!

I as no idea what it wasses that terrified me......I don't rememberimuss....it doesn't matter....my Stealthy will track them down and deals with them.....

I is backimuss ruling my empire looking down on all who serve me....not that I really looks downimuss on you...I just find a higher placeimuss!!

The Bumbles aka Bumble aka Bumbleeeny is watching over my every moveimuss...you don't mess with The Bumbles...


And my loyal Generalissimo, The Stealth Bomber, is hot on the trail of those who frightened me.....I feels sorry for them when he finds them as he will tell the Man Two Legs and he will 'share an understanding' with them.....

Nothing excapes the gaze of The Stealth Bomber.....not mousey or froggy or whoever frightened me...he will find them!!!...................

And when he does, I will bite them!!!!

I is angrymuss now.....NOBODY frightens The Emporer MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS without facing the consequences.....NOBODY!!!!

I is BACKIMUSS.....I IS..........

THE EMPORER MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS

....AND I IS WRIGGLY KITTY AGAIN....I is not bunny hoppings sideways anymoreimuss....

I 'AS SPOKENS.

Tuesday 28 August 2012

Who's The Daddy?

Good evening once again dear readers....It is I...The Stealth Bomber...Senior Centurion and Generalissimo of The MSSP (Maximus Spittimus Secret Police)....I have things to say...well...one thing....

WHO IS THE DADDY?

Does it really need to be asked?

Bumble aka The Bumbles aka Bumbleeeny?...Clearly not...She cannot be THE DADDY....Senior and much respected Centurioness perhaps...but not THE DADDY.....


Tabatha 'Tab Tabs'?....Clearly not...she is a Centurioness extraordinaire and the mother of many junior Centurions but THE DADDY?


Gracie Mae 'The Fruit Bat' cannot be THE DADDY as she is Gracie Mae 'The Fruit Bat'...much loved but never THE DADDY....

Commendable 'attitude' from Marie but Marie is a young Centurioness....never THE DADDY....

Beautiful little Puurdy is beautiful little Puurdy.....I would die to protect her but obviously not THE DADDY...

I am THE STEALTH BOMBER......THE SENIOR CENTURION IN THE MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS EMPIRE....but....I AM NOT THE DADDY.....


THIS IS THE DADDY...MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS (WRIGGLY KITTY).....EMPORER OF ALL HE SURVEYS AND ANYTHING HE HASN'T GOTTEN AROUND TO SURVEYING YET.

HE IS THE DADDY.

AND WHEN I FIND OUT WHO TERRIFIED HIM I WILL BRING THEM TO MEET

THE DADDY.

THEN THEY WILL DISCOVER THAT NOT ALL DADDY'S ARE LOVING.

I is Stealth Bomber and I 'as guest spokens.....

(Maximus Spittimus is himself again....he has stopped bunny hopping...sideways or otherwise....he will be avenged!!!!)

Saturday 25 August 2012

Wide Eyed And Legless

Good Evening. I am The Stealth Bomber, known to my friends as Stealthy.

I am The Senior Centurion in The Maximus Spittimus Empire.

I am also Generalissimo Of The MSSP (Maximus Spittimus Secret Police)

I have to report a worrying development.

My Emporer returned home from reconnoi....reccono....inspecting his empire the other day and appeared to be...erm.. 'not himself'.

Eyes wide, pupils dilated, bunny hopping sideways, tongue sticking out further than is normal for my Emporer.

I considered the possibility that he had discovered a discarded Two Legs LSD tablet and was merely stoned out of his skull, but on closer inspection it became apparent that he was TERRIFIED.

No cat, dog, fox, grass snake, frog, toad, pigeon, magpie, rat, pond fish, sparrow, fly, wasp, bee, centipede, millepede, ant.....I believe that is the entire list of creatures that occasionally disturb my Emporers psyche....oh yes, snail, slug, spider, mouse...will be safe until I discover which creature left my Emporer bunny hopping....sideways

Any suggestion that my Emporer is, in reality, a 'wuss' will suffer the gravest consequences. They will be visited in the dead of night by The MSSP.

You have been warned.

I will not rest until my Emporer desists from bunny hopping....at least until he stops doing it sideways...

I am THE STEALTH BOMBER.

ALL ENEMIES OF THE EMPORER MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS WILL TREMBLE ON MY COMMAND.

Wednesday 22 August 2012

Bye Bye Jack n Jill

I is saddimus....

This is the last pic of Jack n Jill.

They is off to a posh home in Ruislip with a Yummy Mummy, a Dad who works in Dubai and two lads called Harry and Wills (no not THAT Harry and Wills)

Actually it is Jill and Jack as you lookimuss.....be happimuss and never forget your Emporer!!!!

I is MAXIMUS SPITTIMUS (and I don't feels like wriggling) and I 'as spokens...:-(